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Cathy Dennis "Just Another Dream" |
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Hey there, beautiful people.
I need to get my ultra-serious "Really stressed out, you guys! Really! It's hard being needed and wanted by everyone!" monologue out, so brace yourselves for a paragraph of sheer whiney delight. Don't worry, my usual Vaudeville show will follow.
So let's see. I'm stunned (and relieved, frankly) to be rolling through September so quickly and swiftly. Things are busier than ever, and I am certainly fucking up more than ever. At the paper, with procedural stuff here at Daum, whatever, you name it. But no one seems too bothered, I guess. All this RA-ing and editing is ceaseless... and it would be an understatement to say I don't know how to handle the responsibility all the time. As a matter of fact, I'm on duty right now -- patrolling the halls with an RA named Jodi and asking all your favorite Burge patrons to turn down their damn bass. Can I ask why anyone cares to hear bass so loud? I mean, some bass is fine, but like... doesn't it fucking annoy you when you're in a car with people, and you're trying to have a conversation while "The Whisper Song" pounds you in the face? The only thing I allow to pound me in the face when I'm driving is my boyfriend, and that's because he doesn't know how to love me any other way. Real love bruises, guys.
Alright, so that paragraph wasn't so serious... proving once again this journal's zaniness and unpredictability is astonishing. Anyway, next weekend, I finally get to go back to Lemont for a weekend. How much do I miss it? A lot, really. Well. Not really. You know what I mean. I need a change of pace, I need to hang with my family, a shitload of my home friends, and just forget about this state for a second. I already have plans to bond with Sarah, Elyse, Erin, and hopefully Monica. I'm sure my journey at home will be filled with enough spontaneity to put any other thrill-seeker to shame... what I actually mean is I will end up at Orland Mall before driving around Lemont at 3 a.m. by myself. In other words: heaven.
Could more random family members and friends drop by Iowa City? Jesus! My cousins Mike and Tammy came a couple weeks ago along with Sarah's cousin Candice (they didn't come together... but I'll gleefully imagine that for a moment if I may). And now my Uncle Jim, Aunt Lea, cousins John and Dani and their kids are all in town. This of course means a sweet, free breakfast for me. And hopefully some un-awkward conversation with the riche Missourians. They say their last name "Vir-TELL" as opposed to "Vir-tuhl" so... that's scandalous. But "Vir-TELL" is such a hot last name. Often I've considered permanently calling myself "Vir-TELL" because one, people call me it anyway, and two, "Louis Vir-TELL" is a fucking supermodel name and no one can tell me otherwise. But I look forward to seeing these guys and catching up. So nice to not have to wait until Christmas to hang with them.
Can I also say that I've stayed up until (brace yourself) 4 a.m. in my friend Jessica's room playing Dr. Mario, Wheel of Fortune, and Mario 3 on her regular Nintendo? This is fucking messed up. Let me also say that I'm generally up until 5 a.m. most nights because I crave my me-time, and the late, late hours are the only time I can find it. Sometimes I'm playing Scrabble online or just chilling with iTunes... but it's therapy time. And we all know I love me some time to unwind.
Speaking of which, I'm in a survey-ey mood, so indulge my seventh grader bullshit with me, won't you?
1. What are your siblings middle names?
Leo, Samuel, John. Everyone cares.
2. Where is your dad right now?
Sleeping in the Village of Faith, hugging his Injun memorabilia and John Piazza figurine.
3. What was the last thing you said?
"Have a good night."
4. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
My journalistic writing has vastly improved over the past year. Honestly, though I'll murder it in its sleep one day, thank God for the DI.
5. What color is your watch?
My cell phone is black, and that's the closest thing to a watch I own.
6. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
The wonderful Andy Phillips and his Aussie obsession. Steve Irwin too. Can I just say how fucking awful his death is? I don't even care how dangerous his work was, he was a saint. I can't think of many people more genuinely passionate and excited about sharing passion than he was. What a sad, sad story, and what a loss for all of us.
7. When was the last time you felt down?
"Down" is sort of vague. I feel bogged down, discouraged, and despondent in waves. So I'd say today would qualify.
8. What kind of automobile does your mother drive?
Gloria rocks the 2000 Chevy Astro van like it's a lavender Bentley.
9. Are you close to your mom?
Though I've always had a special relationship with Mom, these last few years have brought us closer together than ever before. Our relationship is highly confidential, neurotic, competitive, loving, and compassionate. I hope it never changes.
10. Where does your absolute best friend work?
I can't say I have a best friend right now. I will say that Sarah works at a golf tee-time place (or rather, she did), Kimmie works at Nordstrom ('til the end of time?), Rachel works at Subway (DEFINITELY 'til the end of time), Lauren works at the IMU, Corey works at coffee shops for free hot chocolate, Elyse is getting work in a computer lab, Kiki "works" as an RA with me, Alyssa worked at Terrapin, and Monica worked at a pony camp.
11. What is your least attractive feature?
Now you've gone and triggered my bulimia. I would say my lack of upper body strength and big nose. And my underbite. Dammit! Hate this question!
12. Have you ever wanted to learn how to breakdance?
I want to learn house dancing, but popping-and-locking, not so much.
Umm, there's no question 13. And thank God, because it probably would've been haunted.
14. Do you have a roommate?
Sweet lord alive, I do not.
15. What color is your bedroom flooring?
At home, navy blue basement carpet. Here... that unmistakable (but still undefinable) Daum brownish carpet.
16. Do you have a chair in your room?
I have this sexy, squeaking, decrepit swivel chair and four card-table chairs for Scrabble. It's all luxury here.
17. What time of day were you born?
9:30 p.m. Right in time for the Project Runway judging.
18. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
All my engaged friends have gotten married recently (including freshman-year compadre Alicia -- gorgeous in her gown). There's a former intern from the DI who hates me. She's engaged. So good for her.
19. What's your favorite number(s)?
4, 1. They're cute and things.
20. Do you know anyone named Stephen?
Yeah. My old buddy Stephen Thisquestionsucks.
21. What color is your mom's hair?
Dark brown with streaks of gray. Work it, Gloria.
22. Do you have a dog?
Nope. It would want too many things.
23. Where did you live in 1987?
217 Lincoln Street. Bethany Lutheran Church, put your hands up!
24. What happened to you in 1993?
Hmmm. I watched American Gladiators probably. And ten years later I was doing the same thing.
25. Does your first memory involve your dad?
Nope. It involves Saturday morning cartoons and my living room couch.
26. Do you remember singing any songs as kids?
Gloria was always playing church songs on the old-timey piano in the dining room. I actually remember filling out one of those "My Favorite Things" books and putting down "Somebody's Knocking at Your Door" as my favorite song. That's sort of like "Vogue".
27. When was the last time you went swimming?
At Aunt Sandy's in Cumberland. Days before coming back to Iowa.
28. Has your luggage ever gotten lost?
Not-a-once. I prefer to keep all my junk in the trunk.
29. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
On my dad's birthday a couple days ago, Mark picked up the phone. I could tell it was him because it was chode-licious. All <3 though, for realz.
30. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Let's picture that for a moment.
31. Do you play an instrument?
To quote an earlier survey I filled out, "the sassinet." Let's see if I can quote myself twice more before this survey is over.
32. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar?
Isn't that a little cliche? I would, however, like to see a bold, dumbass band try to smash a keyboard. Or, like, a harp.
33. Do you like fire?
Yeah, I really care. I'm also wearing black eyeliner and Hot Topic gear.
34. What is something that you can't stop yourself from buying?
Jimmy John's. Panera. Hot-ass jeans. Some CDs.
35. Are you allergic to anything?
I get allergies, but I don't think I have anything severe. Maybe Christina Aguilera.
36. When was the last time you cried?
Ummm... I'm certain it happened recently. I think when I broke down at the paper upon realizing I had to edit 80 articles at once.
37. What kind of shampoo do you use?
Head & Shoulders. I'm pretty sure it does the job the best. But maybe I'm wrong, I'm not too hip to the shampoo scene.
38. Do you ever travel more than an hour just to eat somewhere different?
I really don't think so. I tend to eat my favorite foods and that's about it.
39. Are you popular?
Oh yeah. Rank of popularity at Iowa: 1) Herky. 2) Pierre Pierce. 3) Louis Virtel. 4) Jesus.
40. Did you take science all four years of high school?
Uggh, can you believe I did? Biology, Physics, Chemistry, and then Environmental Science. Can I just say how fucking easy Environmental Science was? And wonderful? Because science to me means reflecting on how much we liked walking in the woods.
41. Do you like butterflies?
I wouldn't fuck one.
42. What is the last book you read?
This Hitchcock book to my left... which I'm not close to finishing. The back story to Rope might be my favorite.
43. Do you like Coke or Pepsi more?
Pepsi leaves less film on your teeth, I feel. And the blue label seems friendlier. And I'm the product of a corporate scheme.
44. What is one thing you miss about your past?
Hmmm. We always come to this question, don't we? I miss having all my best friends in one area, things seeming (sigh) simpler, slushies at the Little League concession stand, sex that I loved, LHS drama club trips, acting. I better be revisiting a few of these things.
45. Did you ever see the school nurse?
For upset stomachs in grade school and when I wanted to go to sleep in high school.
46. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
For split seconds, yes. But I think I'd tire of it.
47. What is your current ringtone?
My official ringtone is Madonna's "Into the Groove," a fine, fine ringtone. But when Sarah or Kimmie calls, it's "Bossy"; when Rachel or Alyssa calls, it's "Work It," when Lauren or Kiki calls, it's "Lose My Breath," and when Elyse calls, it's mysteriously "La La".
48. Are you jealous of anyone?
I'm jealous of people who seem contented with their shortcomings. And of hot guys, I guess.
49. Is anyone jealous of you?
The sassless.
50. When was the last time you were in an elevator?
Just now, coming up here to the swanky confines of sixth-floor Daum.
51. What is the middle name of the last person you slept with?
Let me just say that I generally hate sharing a bed with anyone. Whether we fucked or not. It gets so sweaty and warm and unsexy. That being said (and I can't believe this is the case), the last person I "slept with" was Phil. Or Scott? Maybe? Either way, it's been a long time.
52. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color ?
It's close to laundry day, I can tell, because I'm wearing white Hanes.
53. What is the song you want played at your funeral ?
I have no idea. I feel like people will desperately need to strike poses, so make your guesses accordingly.
54. Would you tell your parents if you're gay ?
What are you trying to say?
55. Favorite comic strip?
I grew up on Garfield, but I'm not quite sure it's, oh, the best. Or even that good. Calvin and Hobbes was fabulous, that I know.
56. Beatles or Stones?
Beatles because I know more of their material. And I'm generally more interested in their albums and "sonic atmospheres" (to use an awful music critic term). But I love "Dear Prudence," "Help," and "A Day in the Life."
57. Are you lactose intolerant?
More like lactose magnetic.
58. Beer, wine or hard liquor ?
I would say liquor, even though right now I don't care to drink anything.
59. What is the one most important thing to you about your mate?
They get it. With that said, I guess I'll be sleeping with Kiki soon.
60. What are your plans for the future ?
High-tail it out of this cornfuck state, live a fabulous apartment life with two of my closest bitches, and work at an arts publication with almost dignity.
61. What is your official job title?
Editor, RA, student, carpet muncher.
62. Do you walk around the house naked ?
Actually, no. I don't like the feeling of my naked ass touching things like... the kitchen table.
63. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk ?
Ummm, someone here hasn't taken AlcoholEdu. Different drinks count for more than others! Despicable, the lack of awareness here. No graduating for this question.
64. Where is your best friend ?
They're all over the place, but most of them are in Chicago. Some are right here in Iowa City. One of them is this bottle of Propel.
65. Hair color you like on someone you're dating ?
I'll say darker brown. That upstanding-young-man dark brown. Because that exists, Louis.
66. Would you rather be blind or deaf ?
In the end, I'd take blind. Conversation means the world to me. Imagine not being able to hear Kathy Griffin bitch about people. HELL ON EARTH.
67. Do you have any special talents ?
Other than the rhythmic gymnastics? I write, act, bitch, Scrabble, and pose.
68. Last thing you bought?
Pretzels and Chex Mix. Breakfast of champions.
69. Something that you cant get enough of?
Kelis' "Bossy" (still!), my new friend Jessica (even though she is a flippant little twat), Jimmy John's.
70. Favorite hateful thing to do to someone ?
Call them awful names to their face. I don't consider gossip all that toxic (most of the time), so I hope I'm generally nice to people.
71. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid ?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It's so weird how I don't feel like I ever really just sat and watched the whole thing, but I know all the words.
72. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house ? Throw off my coat, check e-mail, facebook, and then browse food.
73. When's the last time you went on a date ?
Like, December. But one may be coming up! Stay tuned.
74. Do you like horror or comedy ?
Horror certainly has its place in my heart, but good comedy is not just good, it's a godsend. Don't know where I'd be without it.
76. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with ?
I'm going to have to go with either of the fine, disgusting, beer-guzzling guys from my skankiest Studio excursion. I'll never forget the romantic question one of them asked me as we danced: "Are you to dance or to hook up?"
77. Last painful thing that happened to you?
I would say the whole Drew Henning roommate fiasco. There I went trusting sociopaths again!
78. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with ?
Glad we're assuming I'm straight. Well, if I made out with someone of the opposite gender, I'd probably go with... Monica. We've kind of already done it, actually, if memory serves. Man.
79. Where do you want to live when you are old ? Wherever the family is.
80. Who is the person you can count on most ? Most definitely Mom. This woman sent me nine bags of Chex Mix, so as far as I'm concerned, she wins a key to the palace.
81. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Daniel Vosovic, Tim Gunn, Anderson Cooper, myself.
82. Where was your first kiss with your mate ?
Why, next to the barbie and the eucalyptus trees, mate! Haha. Genuine first kiss? On my bed at home.
83. Favorite drinking game ?
I despise most drinking games, but I think of Ring of Fire wins. Even though there are more rules for that game than fucking Bridge.
84. What did you dream last night ?
Recently, I dreamt that I visited Amanda Deckelman at her school and she needed to be consoled but kept running away. What the fuck? Amanda, I love you, but what were you doing in my dreams? Besides stealing my heart 24/7, babe, of course.
85. What is your favorite sport to watch ?
I love watching tennis, but more importantly, I love watching runway judging. The most athletic act of all.
86. What was the drunkest you've ever been?
Rachel's Sunday night party back in June. I'm now Facebook friends with the Fields' family toilet.
87. What is your new obsession ?
The Veronicas! Their cd is probably gracing a bargain bin near you. You MUST download "Everything I'm Not," "4Ever," and "When It All Falls Apart." Easily my favorite hot Australian twin-girl group of the month.
88. If you could take back one thing in your past, what would it be? Ever feeling like I could never find love. Or becoming so absorbed in my own problems that I'd forget to laugh or forget to reach out to my fabulous friends.
And (thankfully for you), that's all the survey has in store. So happy to check in. And so happy to go back to Lemont soon... where I will cash a bunch of checks and buy an alligator suit or something to celebrate. Because you might know me by my real name: Ludacris.
Love you guys, thanks for reading, listening, being. You're forever my girl... and I'm forever your favorite place for Paula Abdul references.
Dancing in September, xoxo,
Louis
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