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 jubilant |
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Sinéad O'Connor "Three Babies" |
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Alright, hello DJ and DJ-associated world. I'm feeling a little anxious about my first classes tomorrow, but I wanted to take some time to do some deliberate journaling and exhaling. I'm in dire need of a respirator, you see. Some have said it's asthma, but I don't even need doctors or a counselor or that restraining order. Just the DJ and his phat beats... he's actually DJ Sammy, for the record.
Oh man, so I'm in back in the sweet ole heartland of Iowa City. My mood about coming back vascillates wildly from being totally upset about it to actually being excited. I guess both feelings are accurate because I do look forward to, I don't know, doing something productive with my time. However, I'm still unenthused (to say the least) about the lack of things I really enjoy doing here. I of course am glad to be in touch with my best Iowa homies again, including Kiki, Lauren the Lemont-ster, and Alyssa. As a matter of fact, I just had a Starbucks-and-Target run with Alyssa, and it was fantastic. She's part of the handful of people here who really get it. Even within that cluster, she makes the top 5%. Anyway, I think the best way to summarize how I feel about my current college life is that I'm seriously afraid of not making things the best they can be, and I'm mad (mostly at myself) for not knowing the resources for making Iowa the best experience it can be. Common sense says the answer is I need to lighten up and not feel compulsed to have some sort of utopian life. No matter what happens, I'll always have two different lives -- the Lemont one and the Iowa one... not to mention the Spanish black market one, the most taxing of all. I think I'm most excited just to meet new people in my classes especially because -- as I understand it -- I have zero lectures this semester. They're all small theatre classes or journalistic workshops or discussions. This may mean that there will be plenty more work ahead, but at the same time, I learn much more in a social environment. In that case, I am fucking psyched. This means you should tune in soon to watch me eat my words and wish all my TAs were murdered. I <3 expectations!!!
My last few nights in Lemont contained Chipain's and some hangout time with Corey, Rachel, and Lauren. Once and for all, after a fine dinner at Chili's with secretly-cunning waitress Constance (she totally took our bottomless chips and salsa away), Rachel, Lauren, and I fulfilled years of anticipatin and saw Brokeback Mountain. As the movie started, I was worried that I knew too much about the movie's plot... and then it was okay because, oh yeah, IT WAS THE BEST MOVIE I'VE SEEN IN YEARS. I was, frankly, surprised at how much I loved it. As I keep telling everyone, it felt like there were actual people in this movie as opposed to one-dimensional character types. Also, I found myself completely believing the romance between Jake and Heath. I really don't say this often, but the movie was basically flawless... every character had his/her admirable and not-so-admirable moments. You had to feel sympathy for everyone. To call this movie "the gay cowboy movie" is unjust because this is a movie accomplishes so much... it humanizes homosexuality and never becomes vulgar. And as I just found out after a quick couple clicks on eonline.com, it's the Best Drama of the year according to the Hollywood Foreign Press. I'm glad a film so special and great topped off my winter break, and I'm glad I got to see it with Rachel and Lauren. So, so good... seriously, go and watch it so we can talk about it.
It's been confirmed I'm retreating to Lemont for the first two weekends in February on the count of the LHS play and Tiffany's wedding, respectively. I'm raring to see my brother in the LHS play and gather all my Lemont homies together for the occasion. From the sound of it, Rachel, Sarah, Elyse, Kimmie, and Eric will at least be there, so I'm after-play festivites seem inevitable. Tiffany's wedding is a total wild card as far as I'm concerned. The turn-out for my side of the family will probably be embarrassing... and as Tiffany tells me, her fiancee's side of the family is total trash. She asked me to read at the wedding... which was a complete honor but also a little disconcerting considering my exit from the church. No one should be too outraged about it besides my mother, who is basically the liturgy dictator. See, I actually really respect my mom for being so informed about the church... not only because there's an awful lot to know but becuase it sure seems like the staunch conservatives in Lemont tend to know, oh, basically nothing about Catholicism. Well, either they know nothing or they twist the teachings whichever way best suits them, and honestly, I can't decide which is worse. The way some people believe in it, you'd think the church's mission statement was "to stay the same and murder homosexuals." If Jesus were a woman, I swear to God we'd all be better off. Certainly women would be better off. I just love the argument that women shouldn't be priests because "Jesus wasn't a woman." I didn't realize Jesus was defined by his gender, and I also didn't know Jesus wanted all the teachers of his word to form a fraternity above the rest of the world. Then again, I also don't think people should feel compelled to ask for forgiveness from strange men in booths. Whatevz, I gots my own religion with many kickass deities like the DJ, Project Runway, Regina from Mean Girls, the Wheat Thin, and assorted badasses. In my version of Sunday school, you read about historical figures like Kelis and learn about the only important commandment -- that we wear pink on Wednesdays.
Since I've been back to school, I've finished loading up my iPod with nearly every cd I've ever bought (sorry, The Offspring, you didn't make the cut :/ ). My most recent addition to my cray-zay catalog is Garbage's first cd which I just bought on a Sam Goody gift certificate. Here's the thing: Shirley Manson, as far as I can see, is fucking awesome. It's been awhile since I've bought a cd by an artist I don't own anything else by... and though it seems logical to keep forking over cash to Liz Phair and her happy, ate-the-bad-berries new self, I'm glad I decided to spend on something new... even if the money does go to Sam Goody, aka the most unreasonable place to ever buy music. I don't even understand Sam Goody... why the hell would I pay 20 bucks for a cd when I can go down the street and pay 13? You may have roped me in with your gift card, slick Sammy G, but I've only got one CD-retailer friendship bracelet, and that's from my gurl Best Buy. Sorry, Sam Goody, but I will never talk about boys with you.
And where is my head at, I nearly forgot about my new reason to be mad at Phil (in case I needed another). I was at Lauren's last Wednesday after a swell viewing of Project Runway where Marla finally bit the dust, and Laur and I decided to hit up Facebook. I really don't have a regular routine when I go on facebook, so I usually resort to checking my journalism-class crush's page since I don't know him and prefer to unravel his mystery through stalking him. I noticed we had one more friend in common since the last time I'd checked his page (Oh, were you not sure I was a freak?)... silly me, I decided to check and see who that new friend was. Naturally, it was P-Hilly. I wouldn't have an issue if there wasn't a Phil-written friend detail for my crush which said, "We met at Studio and I stripped while he watched!! Haha hehe I'm hot 'n soulless!" I guess what unnerves me is how Phil definitely knew I had a crush pretty recently on this guy, and yet he made a friend detail with him about getting his attention with a fucking striptease. I'm not saying Phil wrote the friend detail simply to "top" me, but he certainly has a fucking history of doing his best to feel better than me, especially in terms of feeling attractive and getting some. After reading what he'd written, I was suddenly reminded of when I would show Phil this crush's facebook page only to have him say, "Oh, you're right, he is cute. Do you mind if I go for him?" Not at all! Please! I picked him out for you! Anyway, I haven't seen him since I got back to Iowa, and for right now I'm feeling good about it. If this keeps up, I'll probably miss how Phil finds entertaining stuff for us to do, but other than that, I won't miss feeling disoriented and pissed like every time we speak. I know I've lectured enough to you about this. We all know the weird reasons I keep Phil around, and we all know I'm doing a lackluster job at sorting my shit out. Thankfully, I am still hot. It was a close one, but I still definitely win in the battle against being un-badass. A valiant but inevitable victory, let's be honest.
I've got class from 9 a.m. until basically 2:20. I haven't decided how I'm going to court that mean gauntlet on a regular basis, especially since there's no room for lunch breaks between the classes. I may have to call upon my trusty but quickly dwindling stack of granola bars for this task. I didn't think it would come to this either. Also, how about I need to get cracking on that jogging schedule I half-assedly set out for myself. Tomorrow will be the beginning of a couple things, I guess, and I'll mostly likely be too tired to accomplish much. At this point I'm just so happy I'm deadjournaling and feeling good about it that I don't want to leave. It doesn't hurt that my roommate will probably continue playing Xbox for the next 90 hours, but I don't know, I just like being here and chilling. This probably reads as stupid, but I honestly need more time like this to myself as opposed to time spent delving on old wounds or things I'm lacking. When it comes to the DJ, I finally think about relevant things and not bogging myself down with confusion, and also, DJ time is when I'm appreciating things and being funny about everything... and I need to appreciate more. And I'd like to say I need to be funny more, but that would be impossible. 24/7 is as good as I can do when it comes to being funny, guys!
I guess I'm pretty much done with things to talk about if you can believe it. Hopefully you will be laughing with me as I arrive at class tomorrow all-too-prepared only to find I have forgotten a pen or some bullshit. Love you all and love finally answering to myself as you guys act as sexy witnesses. I know I pack a lot of bling, but you guys manage to shield your eyes enough to see the badass beneath the crunk jewelry and gleaming grill. Also, what is the world's obsession with "grills" right now? Thanks, Nelly, for fucking everyone up and having people believe chrome robot teeth are cute. Eating tin foil was never a hot look before, so I don't even know what happened. Anyway, love you guys to death, and I thank you for reading along. I've got to go be a part of real life and shower and sleep for now, but I will return. Later, sk8er.
"I wish I knew how to quit you" ...DJ... and crack. Xoxo,
Louis
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