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R.E.M. "Try Not to Breathe" |
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Booo, the crazy whistles, champagne, and ABC's all-too-convincing Dick Clark robot have been put away. As I have predicted, I finally meet again with the DJ after 2006 has already hit in all of its countdown majesty. Honestly, I'm a little beside myself with the new year already here. 2006 is the most fucking unreal year I have yet lived in -- not because there's actually anything amazing going on thus far (besides the unprecedented Chipain's no-limit milk sale IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND), but it's just... what the hell? 2006 = five years after the space odyssey was supposed to happen. We have defied space and time and are now living in the future. Common sense aside, this is the only way 2006 can be rationalized. Remember years like 1998? Those were real years. At least that was part of a decade that had a name. Where the hell are we now again? The "aughts"? Ummm, fuck you. People in Mensa and other fake organizations call it that. Whatever, I pack too much sass to be slowed by a year that the Jetsons invented... which reminds me: Judy Jetson = white-haired hottie that will live in hottie infamy. First of all, she is seven feet taller than Elroy. Secondly... Judy, although lacking in actual personality, intelligence, individuality, and a second outfit, represented the techno-minded hipster teenager in all of us. Hell yes we will wear a pink pointy collar shirt and go to the mall! Chalk another one up for civilization: Judy knew what was up (maybe), and she didn't even have to be a gruff lesbian robot maid to do it.
I'm just so glad I'm here to finally give you guys informed, hard-nosed opinions for once in your life. Alright, what the hell have I been doing lately... well, besides the ever-delicious, minimum-wage life that Chipain's provides (complete with the Hollywood Squares of Lemont shoppers), I got my Christmas presents which included three cds, a Strangers With Candy DVD, a semi-significant amount of money, a book, and a travel game. The giftload wasn't exactly overflowing with milk and honey, but it was enough. After all, I really didn't want much of anything... and worst, I can't even find two of my gifts right now. My Strangers DVD and Go-Gos album are all M.I.A. They need to get back to fighting this instant! I'm sure they'll be found, but who even cares to look for shit when you have so much free time? Sigh for not making sense.
I went to St. Louis with my family for another typical Christmas trip which featured a trip to the Galleria, a pretty large mall in a busier part of town. There I tried eleven goddamn times to spend the Sam Goody gift card I got from my cousin and was totally unsuccessful. My dad, Mark, and I watched The Family Stone, the new Sarah Jessica Parker/Rachel McAdams movie... and I'd hate to say it, but it was a letdown. Though there were a couple poignant moments, everyone in the movie was ridiculous. SJP, who even was your character? Diane Keaton, you are cute sometimes, but not here. Dermot Whomever, YOU MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE. DON'T EVEN BE LOVING CLAIRE DANES' CHARACTER BECAUSE IT HELPS MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY. HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING, SIR. WHY DON'T YOU STEP OUT OF THE CAR AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES, SIR. Luckily I know that reading all capital letters is not an eyesore at all! Thanks for the memories, Louis. Anyway, I've also been in major contact with Rachel (who has been working like a damn Subway dog lately), Elyse, Corey, Monica, Feej, Eric Forst, and Alyssa and Phil occasionally. My New Years was spent in Monica's cute, wood-floored apartment near the University of Chicago, and I allowed myseld the opportunity to be "drunk" for the first time in my life. How do I describe thee, drunky drunk? For the most part I was just woozy, giggly, and becoming a new character every ten minutes. That part was fun, but eventually, I just got sick of being drunk. When the whole small troop of us (Monica, Elyse, Katie Erk, Jeanine, Sam, Dan, and Keith) were talking drunkenly at 2 a.m., I just wanted to think like myself again. It wasn't as if I didn't have the ability to rationally think, but it took more effort given the out-of-orbit place my head was at. I am sure this is all news to you never-been-drunksters out there. I had a fun time hanging out with all the old-time friends... though during the inevitable Spin the Bottle and Never Have I Ever games, I felt remarkably inexperienced in the area of relationships. The only real "relationship" I've had is so far in the past and so over-discussed (and I so don't even know what's real about the fucking thing anymore)... and since then I've only fooled around with people for fleeting entertainment before extolling "the hook-up"'s importance months later. Also, it's not like any of my friends have had thousands of crucial, emotional relationships or anything... but it does feel like they have had relationships within the past two years, and that's where I can't relate. I can't relate, and I can't bring myself to a decision about whether it's important I relate. I bet it isn't, and actually, I know it isn't, but... I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out on something, even if I do have a healthy amount of good friends. Booo all that. Mostly I think I just hate to be unsure about where my life is going... because during high school, who fucking cared, you could say you wanted to be an astronaut, a magician, and America's Next Top Model, and it was like, "Whatever! Go to U of I!" but in the aftermath of not giving a shit comes -- of course -- giving a shit. Haha, the most tragic sentence of all! It is Schindler's List up in this DJ. In the end, I want security to cling to, and even though I'm not doing anything drastic, it feels like things could become "out-of-control" (as all my fave 12-steppers say). Stay tuned for more episodes of As The World Turns... because WILL LOUIS FINALLY MAKE IT TO BIG LEAGUES? WILL HE EVER TELL P.T. ABOUT THE LOVECHILD? WILL STEPHANO PULL OFF THE BABY SWITCH? I am still not fucking over that being an actual plotline for a soap opera.
But alright, although I have work at 6:45 a.m. tomorrow (can you even believe that) I found this pansy-esque questionnaire about the past year, and I want to fill it out and see what wacky comedy ensues.
--What were your favorite moments (they can ‘big’ or sweetly mundane) of 2005?
HAHA, I was going to try to hide that I found this at alanis.com, but the phrase "sweetly mundane" just outed me to death. Oh well. Anyway, what a good question, what the hell are the fave moments of 2005? Surely they are all recounted in this deadjournal's 58 entries from 2005, but let's see... I loved traipsing near train tracks in 2 a.m. Downers Grove with fellow plain-clothes hobo Rachel Fields, especially because we were both paranoid about it. I loved studying for fucking RIDICULOUS TESTS ABOUT ROCKS with Alyssa, because in pulling our hair out over these things, our true, disgustingly nerdy colors showed gallantly. I loved my Acting I class... Meredith Alexander, in all of her smarts and inability to not tangent for eleven hours, taught me so much. Like that the greatest aphrodisiac is playing your objective. Our class is forever bonded under her militant, tech-vested reign. Hmmm, next, even though it wasn't 100 percent problem-free, I loved when Phil visited Lemont. It happened during the best part of summer, and I just liked watching the alien pharmacologist dance his way into the hearts and onto the nerves of my friends. I fucking loved when Sarah and Kimmie and I hung out randomly in the middle of Octobr. I loved every minute of every giggle-filled hangout with Lauren. Love that she is such a good friend of mine now. Loved the whole day of the Aimee Mann concert with Rachel. Loved that Aimee Mann is the most convincing marionette of all time. All the vacays this year were sweet too. Receiving the Gilda cake at Alyssa's in Dubuque was especially a highpoint. Daily Iowan, you are tolerable.
--Favorite books, movies, articles, tv shows, live performances?
God, in no particular order.
-Project Runway is my favorite thing on television. Probably my favorite show to come along in years.
-Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, proving once again that Kathy Griffin gets it more than anyone.
-Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill Acoustic. Every inch of it.
-Kylie's Greatest Hits that I bought
-Madonna's "Hung Up" and most of her new album
-Angels in America... because I needed to finally just read it, dammit.
-Rent, Vera Drake, Metamorphoses and A Dollhouse (courtesy of the UI Theater Department).
-Hearing Sheryl Crow's "Light In Your Eyes"... she really won me over with that song.
--What are you the most proud of in this last year?
For actually going out of my way, applying to the DI, getting a job at home, and making money for myself. As a matter of fact, if 2004 was a year of disorienting endings and beginnings, 2005 was a year of occupation. I got my first writing job, my first minimum-wage job, and my journalism classes thrusted me (hehe) into a whole new perspective on the world of professional writing. I'm proud that I allow myself to write opinion articles, and I'm proud to accept criticism, finally.
--What do you forgive yourself for?
Not having all the answers, first of all. Being overreactive (though my New Years resolution last year was to control that... for the most part I did okay). Being bitter. Not having an open heart in a lot of situations. Going too far out of way and offering too much rationale in order to establish my credibility. Not knowing where I belong. Being scared. Missing something that doesn't exist. Feeling bad about myself after my first trip to Studio. Feeling jealous after the Charlie thing and deciding making out with some random-ass dude would heal that. Second-guessing my college decision. Feeling inferior to those who, I guess, don't second-guess their decision. But mostly, again, not having all the answers. That's supposed to be fun.
--What are you deeply grateful for?
Friends that have been there every step of the way. The chance to write in the DI. This journal. People who get it. My mom who listens.
--What are the biggest differences for you between last December to this one? (example: are you in a different place geographically, spiritually, emotionally, physically, do you feel better, worse, do you feel more experienced at something?)
I'm certainly more experienced in writing... and this is also the first year I spent more time in Iowa than I did in Illinois. Revelation! Spiritually, I feel as able to connect with most parts of myself as I did last year although I still need to very consciously command focus when it happens. Since last December, I'm more aware of what I value in friends. I feel more compulsive about appearances... as if I haven't blown up the issue of "having an ass" to gargantuan proportions.
--Did you have enough fun this year?
I had enough one-on-one friend fun. I don't know if I did enough group outings necessarily. I think I would've had more fun if I'd allow myself to try more new things... nine times out of ten, they are fun somehow someway. I totally had some great times though... performing with Rachel at No Shame was a highlight. Becoming the Dairy Queen with Lauren is a biggie too. Finding away to love discussion time in my classes too.
Alright, y'all, I'm about to die on the keyboard yet again, so the rest of the survey will have to hit the wayside. Don't kill yourself now! You know, I'm going into my fifth year of deadjournal, and I still feel like Louis fucking Virtel, and that's the most assured statement I can give you. Hope you are enjoying the fun/wildness/monotony/contemplation/Kylie Minogue references as much as I am... and I'm so grateful (should've written this earlier) that you have read along. Can't say DJ will live forever, but for now, he's holding steady, and he's very excited to bring dancefighting to 2006. Love you guys, and thanks SO much for everything. For being there. For you. For hating Stephanie from Chipain's with me. The most precious bond of all.
Love you, let's continue the jump. Xoxo,
Louis
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