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mood |
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music |
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The Carpenters "Hurting Each Other" (one of my favorites!) |
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Hey everyone, what's up, who's your daddy, I'm back for more. Good lord, past couple days have been so uneventfully back-to-school that I seriously can think of... two things that are even worth mentioning. Alas, it is time to sit back and let the good times/deadjournal roll, so whatever. Actually, now that I think about it, I think this time of year (specifically post-Thanksgiving break and the anticlimactic feeling of the end of the semester) is demotivating to the point where I just don't feel like writing much of anything. And I have seriously attempted writing poetry again too...and so far it's been all for naught, although I have a few could-be lines going. For some reason I'm bent on making stuff rhyme...why the hell would I care to do that? I don't like to read poems that rhyme, not at all. I think I'm used to listening to how Aimee Mann writes and because of her literate ass I'm all wanting to make everything very simplistic and metered and direct and alliterative... when really I've never written that way. I'm much more stream-of-conscious (much more this journal, really). It's kind of frustrating to think I still want to write poetry the way I used to...I wonder if that's even because I actually want to write or if I just want to feel like I've accomplished something. Bet it's the latter. C'est la motherfucking vie.
I finished my Speaking & Reading paper before writing this paragraph, so now I can actually whole-heartedly devote myself to the DJ ritual (and I signed off AIM too...call me a revolutionary!). Let's see, last night I was being entirely productive and scanning through Facebook, the most retarded thing I can think of...and I went past Phil's picture and profile as I have done other times. This time on his little "wall" where people sign shit I saw a message from some apparently interested gay male that he must hang out with. I went to that guy's profile as well, and Phil had signed there...and I don't know what's going on with them other than I finally feel fucking liberated from Phil altogether. Let me try and explain this. Because he's "moved on" and found some new guy... I don't have this nagging feeling anymore like I should somehow make myself desirable to him. Yes, I haven't spoken to the guy in nearly a month, but at the same time, the nag to expend energy and reel him in or whatever...that's just gone. And now my mind can stop wandering that direction without my consent, and now I can get back to just being myself. Woooo that. I really do wish Phil the best in his romantic endeavors... I think he's got his work cut out for him when it comes to actually giving a shit about other people as opposed to just giving a shit about feeling un-rejected around them. However, he's also an unfeeling bitch who can't make himself look any more like a victim of past friendships. Nice try, dude...there's two people in a friendship, and given how you've treated me and how you've reported on our falling-out to others, I'd say you fucked up too. But anyway, who cares.
Well, Jesus went to hell and Ken Jennings finally lost on Jeopardy! Get out the fucking noisemakers, Ken Jennings losing feels like... rebirth. Like God's giving us a second chance to enjoy our favorite quiz show again. Honestly though, you couldn't tell me that Ken didn't take a dive... I saw a clip of the Final Jeopardy, and I sure didn't know the answer but that was clearly a question Ken would've known, I think. Props to Nancy Zerg, the ho who beat him. God do I hate Ken Jennings. I think he's a smarmy, pretentious bastard...not to mention someone who decided he was a comedian halfway through his Jeopardy stint. Wrong, Kenny, leave that shit to George Carlin. It's a little scary to think Ken Jennings has been a part of my life since oh...early June, when Elyse, Dan, Kaylin, Sarah, and I would be sitting in Brad's house watching him pulverize competition. I had hope in those days, thinking to myself, "Hehe, he's been going for two weeks...the third week will surely be the end!" No, Louis. No.
College right now just feels like a drag. I'm not having a good time almost at all now that I think about it, aside from my occasional funny hangouts with Maggie, Kinga, Kristina, Kinzy, or Alyssa, or times during class with Alicia or Erika or Kelly where we make fun of lame-asses or talk about how much we love Road Rules. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make this experience much greater...I guess I'm not trying especially hard to reach out and make myself known or anything but man, I really haven't discovered what the fuck makes college the "best experience of your life!" yet. I get the feeling a lot of my friends are going through similar experiences. I was chatting it up with Monica the other day about our thoughts on college so far. I guess I'm 50/50...I enjoy the education and I enjoy the people I know, but overall, the lifestyle isn't incredibly satisfying. Monica seemed to agree; she's found her own cool people but she misses the camaraderie of the closer friends we had senior year. We reflected on our times of commiseration near the mid-to-end of senior year...times in government class that, looking back, were utter hell. But then again, in retrospect, there really is no such thing as hell as long you've got the ability to explain where you're coming from and find people who can relate somehow someway.
I was informed by my friend William that the skit I performed at No Shame is "nominated" for BONS (The Best of No Shame)...I got a peek at the messageboard with the "nominations" on it, and so far a few people have voted me up there, which is really nice. The best part of the whole thing is that these people don't actually know my name; they only know my stage name, which just happened to be "The King of Modesty". This means that on the messageboard, I read like...reviews of my skit that say things like "The KOM tells us of things he loves. Madonna, your mother, racism, and sexism are all things included." Yes that's right, I was referred to as "the KOM". I officially OWN that name now. "Louis" may have to take a backseat for awhile. I love how people on this messageboard refer to the KOM: "I really hope the King of Modesty comes back..." haha from where, his trip to Monaco? I don't think I've ever seriously been referred to as the king of anything before, so this is very funny for now. One person even said, "This piece was a riot. Oh I liked it a lot. This was hardly Modest like his name but hey, that contradiction made it funnier. I wish I was able to pull this kinda thing off. I think some people would avoid me for a long time if I did though. Oh well. Good Job King of Modesty." I like how the name itself 'the King of Modesty' wasn't at all the tip-off that, hey, my character isn't modest. This weekend I plan on performing at No Shame again, but with a much different attitude than I did last time around. I'll be rehashing my "monologue" scene from Illuminating the Future With a Blowtorch... nothing like revisiting the ole "eyebrow" character. I love feigned sanity almost more than anything, and that character is just about the most insular, intense, tunnel-visioned person I can come up with to pay respect to my favorite thing: bein' crazy. It's something we should all really sit back and laugh at, because we've all got the crazy within us, it just takes a caricature of such craziness to really bring into focus how ridiculous it can be when we take ourselves far too seriously. That's the kind of shit that can eat a person alive, and well, I don't think rational people should choose to do that. With all we know, we should know by now that humor and light-heartedness are what make memories worth remembering, not how "serious" or "professional" we were. You've gotta laugh at yourself too, because then everything else is 50 times funnier. So I look forward to performing, and I hope to make at least a retard in the back row laugh a little bit. Or just scowl, that's fine too.
I've not much more to say so I think I'll wrap this bad boy up for now. I'm really itching and scratching for something cool to look forward to besides just the month off but...oh well, maybe looking forward to a nice milkshake or Starbucks with Maggie is good enough for now. I do love the people I'm around here, very much so in fact... but I guess I'm still learning. Jesus, how about I come to THAT conclusion a little more in this journal, eh? Guys, I feel like a jaded old choad sitting here being all "BLAAAHHH Everything's boring!!" Don't you worry, sooner or later I'ma get a job and have a bunch of money to spend on things like Bentleys, ranch houses, and Wheat Thins and then all will be merry in the land of Louis. Until then, I continue to snap mah fingers to the beat of a whack-ass drummer. Love you all so much, thank you for listening, being there, appreciating, not appreciating, laughing, whatever, thank you for hearing me out. It's this connection that remains fresh forever, that assures us that we've all only just begun.
Always here...
"Whether it's heaven or hell, I'm gonna be livin' to tell"
Louis.
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