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Madonna "Gone" |
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Hello hello, everyone and cue the cowboy background dancers. Kick back, it's June 20 something, which means you shouldSuddenly I love summer more than anything and am completely enjoying time with friends, time alone, and time with my family. If anything, I wish I could hang out with more people more often, but besides that I am just letting go of unnecessary frustration and freefalling into anything that may be below...and I do it knowing that it's alright to let things be. Like in the stellar "Like A Prayer" video when Madonna is in the sky and she closes her eyes and coasts to the ground, all high on faith and clarity. Mmmm, let the choir sing. Anyway, enough of the analogous shit, you came for dirt, so I suppose I will do the dishing.
Fooled you, bitches, there's like no dirt within the 10 mile radius. More ridiculousness with the guy I've been speaking about in the past couple entries though. Get this cryptic scene: the other night he invited me over and since the concept of "secrecy and the unknown" is still a hot thing to me, I went. I snuck out and left the lights on at my house at 12:30 AM...now that scared me, I thought my parents were going to turn off the lights then come looking for me. Alas, no dice, the operation went off hitchless. Anyway, so I arrive at his house...and he sneaks me through a motherfucking window and up the stairs to his room, full of pornography and posters of Jenna Jameson and other Yale alumni. So the plan was to watch porn and to sexually gratify ourselves somehow someway. After awhile he wasn't even watching the damn porn, he was watching me as the porn played. Again, there's definite creepiness happening here...that's undeniable. Eventually handjobbage occurred...and fuck do I hate reciprocating during that situation. There is nothing at all intimate about what's going on here; hell, we're basically denying any of it happens. What's happening is a substitute for something really worth caring about. This isn't what sex was invented for. Speaking of which, he officially offered all-out sex to me. That's when I have to cash out and just say no...or something. The offer is tempting, believe it or not, only because I'm curious as to what that's like. Honestly, it's hard not to bullshit myself and trick myself into believing I'm TOTALLY GROSSED OUT by all of this shit. I don't know how I feel about it other than I keep doing it, and getting away with it is like winning a new merit badge in boy scouts...another one to pin on like I accomplished something noteworthy. God I need to get out of this place.
Then sometimes I don't. I'm taking forever to write this entry because I'm online right now with Mike Sherry. You know what's funny about Mike Sherry is that in two to three years, anybody who hasn't understood his genius and coolness will be kicking his/her own ass because they've missed out. I feel this away about a lot of people. Some people are such genuinely great people...and I think how ahead of their time they are and how they're on their way to bigger and better things they can't even comprehend. Case in point: Craig Biwer, this kid my brother's age, has got this sincerity and reality about him that's like WAY ahead of the LHS pack. He's bailing LHS though and heading for IMSA (in other words, math and science for people who get off on reading textbooks). I hope to hear that kid is having the life he wants one day. He deserves it. So do most of the people I come in contact with. Monica's got a jumpstart on that shit...as we speak, she's probably riding an elephant in a tropical rainstorm. Maybe she's filming one of those cute Sesame Street segments where we meet a perky zookeeper and his favorite rhino named Daisy. Maybe it's close to 2AM as well. My apologies are implied.
I just put on the Music by Madonna, so lord knows I'm fighting The Man and staying up super past my bedtime. Oh, so guess what, I am completely leaving with my family for Colorado in a couple days for the big family reunion that's been built up for years. We're driving in our classic (and still sexy) Chevy Astro...from here to Colorado. Good God, that's a lot of poker, Trivial Pursuit, and Playstation time. Now this is a new leaf for the Virtel family: my mom bought me a TV with a DVD player for college, and we're going to take it (or at least attempt to make it work) with us for the trip to Colorado. That'll be great, nothing like kicking some Mark or Greg ass at Crash Team Racing...while on the HIGHWAY! And I'm sure I'll get pensive at some point during this cross-country trek and take time out for the cd player. Alright, one of the million things that's great about my family is that we respect each other's space. I like being in a family where I can look out the goddamn window during a car ride and not feel guilty for not contributing to conversation enough. Our family has its times where we all come together and chat and be sarcastic and disgusting and close, and then we have times where we go to our respective corners and get analytical and chill out and continue to come to terms with ourselves. I can already tell that my brother Mark is evolving a lot like me...when we did the plays at drama together, he would hide himself away periodically and listen to his cd player. That's so something I do that I can like...see our similar genes written all over his face. Don't get me wrong, I don't listen to the same stuff he does. Hell no. Hyeelllll no. You won't be finding any Bon Jovi in my cd collection. Occasionally I'll get into conversations with Mark where it's pretty clear we've got similar, cynical views towards things like stupidity and superficiality. It's a good thing to have run in the family...Jim's part of that scene as well. So is Glo (now called G-Lo) and so is Lee. Greg is just Greg. Together, we form Captain Planet. The way it should be... I get to be the Russian chick...as if that doesn't go without saying.
I guess I've been opening up to more and more people as of my current state of mind...the past few months of introspection and thinking in circles and dead-ending has made me just throw my figurative cigarette out the car window...just a big fuck-you to inhibiting myself and a bigger fuck-you to letting myself be brought down by not having the answers to everything. One thing that I'm deciding to not flick off is internet shopping...recently I went to the Aimee Mann website and got a t-shirt and poster. My dad got all pissy when forking over the credit card to me (apparently when I want something, I'll stop at nothing to get it...even if it interrupts dad's religious practice of washing the dishes). The poster will be a nice addition to my college dorm room. And speaking of that, I still need to contact my future roommate: his name is Todd and he's from California. Sarah has already suggested I quickly befriend him so that all our friends can go to his house in Cali for the summer and "party". Rachel has an impression of Todd already, and I quote: "Woah, little dude...chill out...gotta surf, man..." That wasn't verbatim, but we've come to the conclusion that Todd is a surfing, laid-back, Jeff-Spicoli-from-Fast-Times-At-Ridgemont-High dude who wants me to relax and not get mad. Now watch, he's a glasses-wearing, math-loving, Magic-The-Gathering player with a mean streak for playing Dungeons and Dragons...and meaning it. the possibilites are endless: don't worry, Todd, I'm being the TV and DVD player. All you have to bring is everything else.
Rachel is leaving for France soon. The times, they-are-a-changin', I tell ya. Bob Dylan would have a field day with all this. Thankfully, Rachel will be able to communicate via interent from France. Monica in Kenya doesn't have as much access to such luxuries. After all, she's spending all her time wearing khakis and hiding in kapok trees with binoculars...looking for the elusive Triple-Horned Blue-Skinned Gazelle...Of The Future. Good luck with that one, Monique. If you're reading this: be the thief or hearts you know you can be... do it, take it, screw it, fake it, undo it, break it...the whole nine yards.
I think it's time I end this entry...even though I feel like blabbing forever, I understand you have places you'd like to be and people you need to fuck, so I'll attempt to be convenient. Remember, it's a beautiful time of year, you've got happiness lying in your hands and love is all around. Revel in the amount of possibility and fall "Like A Prayer" style into more growth and more understanding.
Love you all, love yourselves and keep on believing in the things that keep us together,
Louis.
P.S. This may be the last entry for awhile, unless I update before the Colorado journey begins, which is certainly likely. Anyway, surf those summer waves, kids, and be your own Todd.
He better fucking surf.
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